I recently have been struggling between what I feel like I should be doing and what I want to do. What others suggest and what my heart and soul feel are the places I should be. I am 24 years old and I have many friends who are married, have children, are in serious relationships, or have a degree. Some have many of these under their belts and some a few or just one. I, however, have…. None. I always thought I would be the one to have a serious relationship last, have my degree as soon as possible and know where I was heading. I have no clue. I have a hard time settling down, not because I don’t want to, I enjoy being with someone and having that someone there with me, not for me but with me. I just have so much I want to do, I need someone to keep up with me or no one at all. I care for everyone I meet and can picture future plans… I don’t know how far off in the future but at least enough. I try to imagine my plans with that person in it but at times I don’t like being held back, held down, having limits or having to answer or explain myself to another. I want to travel, get my degree, check things off my bucket list, learn languages, and most importantly strengthen my faith. I need to do these things before I completely settle myself; I need to do these things in order to find out who I am. I never thought I’d be one to put myself first but it’s a good thing that I have learned this. I don’t want to live my life with regrets. Wishing I had traveled when I was younger, when I was free to do so. I don’t want to be unhappy when I’m older and have a stable life just because I never did what I wanted… never took risks and did things for myself. Compared to others, especially those of my own age, I have my own mind set.
There it is…compared to…I should never compare myself to anyone else. I am my own person, my own being. I am on my own path.
There are many people my age that I know who have their own way of being “free” and doing what they want but it’s more so drinking how much they want to drink, staying out all night and losing sleep because “you only live once.” Smoking and putting whatever they want into their bodies because “YOLO” Sleeping with whoever they want whenever they want because again…YOLO, or you’re only young once or YOYO. My YOLO list is a bit different than theirs. I feel strange but no one is the same as another, we all have our ideas, our paths, our inspirations, our desires and our goals.
I only have this life; I only have this time to do what I want. Some opportunities only come around once. I want to take them when I can and not miss them because I’m hung over from the night before or too tired because I’ve been partying too much. I don’t want to miss a moment of this life I’ve been given and I am grateful that I have been blessed with the common sense to do more with it than drink, smoke and do all sorts of nonsense to my body. I’m going to improve myself. I want to be able to look back and feel great about my past. I want to be well-rounded, so one day my children, my soul mate, my loved ones can look at me and say “she knows who she is.” “she lived well; she lived a full life” One day when I move on, leave this lifetime, I want people to see that I never let a minute go by, they can have a list of memories to discuss at my “good-bye”.
By having my own path, finding out who I am and learning all these new things and traveling to all the places I wish to go, I will find my life. I will find my love, my happiness, and most importantly me. I’ll find my passion, which will lead me to my purpose.
intwodeep 