This is Your One Shot

Sometimes I just want to walk up to people and shake them.

“Why are you living like this?”

“This is the life you want to look back on and be proud of?”

“This is the life that you’re going to learn from and want to share with your kids?”

When you look at the big picture and realize you are ever only guaranteed one moment, the moment you are in, is this really how you would choose to go out?

 

I have guy friends who sit on the couch drinking beer, smoking, taking who-knows-what, and sleeping every chance they get and on the rare occasion they have enough energy to actually make it out of the apartment to a bar…they wonder why they can’t get any girls.

 

Wait…are you being serious??  You lazy bum, with eyeballs only half open, your personality completely shut down because of whatever pill you decided to take tonight and reeking like booze?  Hmmm, those sound like a winning combination, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE GIRLS?!?!  

 

Being one of the few females that actually cares about what happens to these guys, I have to say I feel I only stick around because I have hope that one day they will snap out of it and the reality of what they are doing to themselves will sink in.  I had dated one of these guys in high school when he was a completely respectable, he was a great guy and I look at him now and I can’t believe this is who he decided to become!

 

If the life you’re living now isn’t something you’d want your future children to see or do…then don’t do it.

 

To tell you the truth, I get that it is fun to go out a have a good time, I’d be lying if I said I never had a fun time out and it probably wouldn’t bother me as much if it was a phase but I really think this is a way of living for them, they would be perfectly content to live the rest of their days this way because they don’t remember or they haven’t experienced anything better.  When I say they don’t remember, the drugs have probably gotten to a majority of the brain cells already. 

 

What really caught me off guard the other day was when one of them said he would change if he ever had a kid.  Really? You would? For how long? Because to change that quickly from a habit you have spent half your young life creating can’t just be broken in a second.

 

Now some of these guys really have confidence in themselves, or so it seems.  I think on the inside they do these things because it fills a void that was created a few years ago by a horrible experience.  I get it, it hurts, I would probably have had a dreadful time recovering from that too, but you did it the wrong way.  Is this how you honor the memory?  Is this how you show your gratitude?

 

It really hurts having to see these people, people I really care about head down a road that I’m afraid they eventually won’t recover from.  To head down a road that could lead to fewer days than we are even given.  I worry one day I’ll wake up and hear horrible news about one of them and that scares me.  I try to be a light in their lives but they completely shut up when I try.  I wish so badly I could just shake them and shake all that junk out of them so they could start over and head in a better direction.  I pray so often for them to find their way in life and to “save” themselves while they have the chance, in whatever way they can. 

 

God break my heart for what breaks yours.  I heard that phrase so many times but it rings so true at this time in my life.  My heart hurts seeing someone who a few years ago had such big dreams and now sitting on their couch spending their graciously given time digging themselves deeper into the hole.  It hurts to see glimpses of a good guy in a person only to be taken away by the substances he puts into his body to make himself feel better.  My heart breaks thinking of what could happen if they don’t turn their lives around soon.  It hurts to know that at this point in time I can’t do much, I can really only pray.

 

We have no control over this life we have been given, what we think we control has already been predetermined, God knows our whole lives before we even know what we are doing after we get off work.  Sometimes there is nothing more you can do to help another…

Sometimes all you can do is pray.  

Early Marriages

Quite a few of my friends lately have been talking about how much they want to be married, keeping in mind we are in the 20-24 age group, and they have only been with their s/o for not more than a year or two…

 

If you love each other that much, prove it by simply staying together.  By getting married at 20 years, give or take a year or twobecause you think you’ve found your one and only, what point are you trying to prove.  Trying to be cute for everyone else to see?  “O they just got married; well I want to find love like that too!”  If you found the person you’re supposed to be with for the rest of your life, your soul mate, your other half, then just being with them is enough.  Don’t rush to be married; what’s meant to be will be no matter if you marry in your 20s, 30s, or 40s.  So why not wait until you and your perfect match have your life figured out.  When you’re young, you’re still growing, you may think you know the other person inside and out, but they don’t even know themselves.  You’re still figuring stuff out, who you are, where you want to go and what you want to do.  Dating is a part of growing up and learning who you are and what you want in a spouse.  Sure it’s extremely romantic when you hear that a couple is each other’s high school sweethearts, but how many of them are still together when they are old and grey?  They never got to live their life or figure things out for themselves. 

Midlife crisis, table for one please!  Seeing a couple get engaged after being together for 6 years.  That’s cute, Congrats!! That’s the way to do it!  Wait….you’re 21? Which means you’ve been dating since 15..?   Did you even have a chance to meet anyone else?  Did you ever get to find out what other kind of people are out there?  Ever realize that maybe who you picture yourself being with is the exact opposite of the kind of person you need to be with?  How will you ever find that out?  Maybe you can’t picture yourself without each other or maybe it is fate.  But why test it by marriage when you’re only 22.  It only leads to divorce. 

This is the 21^st century.  We have so much more to lose and so much more to learn and do with our lives now.  College itself takes a few years to complete.  Are we going to move into a teeny tiny apartment and try and make ends meet because we spent money on a wedding at the age of 20?  NOOO thank you.  Get through school; see if after you’ve matured you’re still ready to spend your life with the person you chose.  If they are serious about you, they will always be there.  They won’t just run away because you aren’t married within the first year you met.  Grow independent, and make a life for yourself and then invite someone in to share it with you when you are ready… Now wait, not when you THINK you are ready, but when you actually have completed everything you want to do and are completely 100% fully ready to go head first into sharing everything with one person forever. 

That’s what marriage is.  It’s not “ Hey, I love you, let’s get married and see what happens.”  Marriage is the real deal.  It’s the supposed to be “permanent” solution, (Which has definitely been taken lightly recently).  It’s a promise that you are going to be all in with your significant other.  Do whatever you can to keep each other happy and that you believe with all your heart (hopefully after a few other significant others to have given you the experiences to learn from) that this is the one person you couldn’t live without; The one who makes you stronger and who compliments you.  It’s a promise that you will be faithful and even though all eyes wonder every so often, yours will be happy to take a glance and look back to the one standing next to you and never have felt so content in your life.  You grow with this person and fall more in love each day.  You don’t fall out of love and you don’t get bored.  Every day is a new day to discover who your other half is and how each day they bring out the best smile and the best feeling in the world.  You want to be your best and do your best for the both of you.  Not just for them but for the “us”.  It’s about there being no doubt about whether you are happy with the idea of spending the rest of your life with this one person.  Of course nothing is guaranteed so the argument back can be well how do you know?  We have a life expectancy rate of up to about 100 years old.  21 is only about a fifth of your life, you’ve only seen 21 years and you still have about 80 more to go!! Why not live a little, go places, do things, meet new people with or without someone by your side. 

Tying yourself down so early will most likely lead to a higher chance of disappointment later in life.  Taking more time will not push your soul mate away, it will bring you closer than you imagined possible and the more sure you’ll be that you are each other’s second half.