Sun and Rain

One of the top most beautiful things::

Sunny and rain….

at the same time.

Its a beautiful thing to be out in the rain while the sun is shining down.  

To see the drops of rain falling from the sky, with the humidity creating a bit of a misty, haze all around the ground.  

After a hot day in the sun, seeing the steam rising off the pavement to meet the rain.  

Staring up at the sky while rain falls down on you and feeling the warmth of the sun on your face.

You can almost see each drop falling separately;

The rain bouncing off the sidewalks, cars parked in their spots, picnic benches;

Hitting puddles on the ground and watching it ripple. 

Getting caught in a summer rainfall while the sun is out is such an amazing moment in life.  

One that should definitely be enjoyed every chance you can

Stop what you are doing and be in that moment;

Feel that moment…

Peaceful-

Quiet-

Serene-

Beautiful-

Nature at its finest moment.

YOLO…? YOYO!

I recently have been struggling between what I feel like I should be doing and what I want to do.  What others suggest and what my heart and soul feel are the places I should be.  I am 24 years old and I have many friends who are married, have children, are in serious relationships, or have a degree.  Some have many of these under their belts and some a few or just one.  I, however, have…. None.  I always thought I would be the one to have a serious relationship last, have my degree as soon as possible and know where I was heading.  I have no clue.  I have a hard time settling down, not because I don’t want to, I enjoy being with someone and having that someone there with me, not for me but with me.  I just have so much I want to do, I need someone to keep up with me or no one at all.  I care for everyone I meet and can picture future plans… I don’t know how far off in the future but at least enough.  I try to imagine my plans with that person in it but at times I don’t like being held back, held down, having limits or having to answer or explain myself to another.  I want to travel, get my degree, check things off my bucket list, learn languages, and most importantly strengthen my faith.  I need to do these things before I completely settle myself; I need to do these things in order to find out who I am.  I never thought I’d be one to put myself first but it’s a good thing that I have learned this.  I don’t want to live my life with regrets.  Wishing I had traveled when I was younger, when I was free to do so.  I don’t want to be unhappy when I’m older and have a stable life just because I never did what I wanted… never took risks and did things for myself.  Compared to others, especially those of my own age, I have my own mind set.

 

There it is…compared to…I should never compare myself to anyone else.  I am my own person, my own being.  I am on my own path.

 

There are many people my age that I know who have their own way of being “free” and doing what they want but it’s more so drinking how much they want to drink, staying out all night and losing sleep because “you only live once.”  Smoking and putting whatever they want into their bodies because “YOLO” Sleeping with whoever they want whenever they want because again…YOLO, or you’re only young once or YOYO.  My YOLO list is a bit different than theirs.  I feel strange but no one is the same as another, we all have our ideas, our paths, our inspirations, our desires and our goals. 

 

 

I only have this life; I only have this time to do what I want. Some opportunities only come around once.  I want to take them when I can and not miss them because I’m hung over from the night before or too tired because I’ve been partying too much.  I don’t want to miss a moment of this life I’ve been given and I am grateful that I have been blessed with the common sense to do more with it than drink, smoke and do all sorts of nonsense to my body.  I’m going to improve myself.  I want to be able to look back and feel great about my past.  I want to be well-rounded, so one day my children, my soul mate, my loved ones can look at me and say “she knows who she is.”  “she lived well; she lived a full life”  One day when I move on, leave this lifetime, I want people to see that I never let a minute go by, they can have a list of memories to discuss at my “good-bye”. 

By having my own path, finding out who I am and learning all these new things and traveling to all the places I wish to go, I will find my life.  I will find my love, my happiness, and most importantly me.  I’ll find my passion, which will lead me to my purpose.  

 

The World of Social Media….

Pinterest, Google+, Twitter, Facebook, the once-upon-a-time-land of Myspace…  Unnecessary but fun non-the-less. 

 

Pinterest?

Don’t even get me started!  I have every single room, including closets, of my dream house planned out down to the lampshade.  Enough three course meal options to get me through dinners until next year without a repeat.  A Do It Yourself (DIY) board for all the projects I will complete in that proverbial “someday”.  I have a whole board filled with workout routines that I look at about once a week that motivate me to attempt to motivate myself starting in the upcoming week.  I can plan out my nonexistent wardrobe for everyday of the week and if I had the money to keep updating it with every outfit match I’ve pinned… I’d need another apartment just for my clothes and shoes.  As for the quotes, I love seeing what mood people are in by what kind of quotes they pinned.  If you’ve never been on Pinterest, I’d highly recommend it.

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Twitter? 

Perfect place to follow your favorite celebrities, but only if you can find their actual page and not one that was just created as a goof off.  It’s the perfect place to find more workout ideas to add to your “attempt” list on Pinterest. You can find really awesome quotes or pictures depending on what user you follow and I have to admit I am an almost every day tweeter!  Twitter is also fun if you have favorite Tv shows because people can post reactions and comments to particular moments.  It’s just another step closer to being in the show and of course we need more chances for the nincompoops of the world to be publicized!   

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Facebook?

 

 

I do enjoy viewing the different pictures put up.  I often put up a picture or two from my weekend or something I’d like to share.  I love reading goofy statuses and contributing in the posting of them at times.  I also like…. Nope that’s about it.  Facebook is a disaster zone.  Let me tell you how excited I am to see pictures posted of dogs that have been burnt or children that have been abused to the point that you can’t even see a face under the swelling and bruises.  The argument (or the poor excuse for one) is because we need to be aware of it.  Not on my news feed thank you! Put that in Google or leave it on the news where we can choose to find out about that on a daily basis.  I also love reading everyone’s rants about their problems every day of the week or what someone is doing every hour.  The only people that are going to care are the ones you actually call up on a… wait for it….. cell phone!! 

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Google+?

 That’s an interesting one.  I’m still in the process of figuring out how to manage it.  You get feeds, chat with people, comment on posts, make circles of friends and post pictures and statuses.  Hmm kind of reminds me like the beginning stages of Facebook?  Or …. Myspace.   ~~Duh Duh DUNNNNNN. ~~  Well I did hear Facebook is on its way out. 

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Myspace? 

The future of Facebook.  In the rare occasion someone asks if you still have your Myspace account the answer is “O no way!  I deleted it even before it went out of trend.”  (yeah ok…)  That was the start of the drama right there.  What song describes your mood that day or the relationship you’re in.  Get that sappy stuff off your page we all know you love your man.  Want to know how?  You have bedazzled, sparkling, twinkling, and moving pictures of the two of you everywhere.  You have those little mini icons of gushy love quotes and pictures all over your about me section.  He’s your number 1 on your friends list.  Yes, remember that??  You had to rate the people in your life!! “Ummm well my boyfriend…” *giggles* *twirling of the hair* “..He’s my number 1.  Obviously!  Then Suzy is my number two because last week Liz totally gave my ex from a month ago a hug.  She was my number two last week now she’s totally down to 5”  You could have an unlimited amount of friends show or as many as none to view.  Boy, did those number ratings really hit relationships hard.  Whether it was friendships or significant others or even family members!!  The fights that were caused because of just that were ridiculous.  

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So yes after seeing how crazy Myspace was, please, let us create a page so similar.  Facebook! 

Then you get the people who like to share their every move with their friends. 

7 am Woke up in a fantastic mood!  Going to get out of bed, shower, brush my teeth, comb my hair and go to work! Have a great day!!

9 am On break.  Omygosh, work is insaaaane!  Need a drink after this.

11.30 am Finally! Day is half over.  Can’t stand people today. ERRRR

1.00 pm   I love my coworkers!

3.00 pm   Off work.  Can’t wait to spend time with the love of my life tonight!! Gym first.

5.00 pm   Awesome workout! Getting ready and going to eat and watch a movie

9.00 pm   So upset cuz someooonnneeee was a complete jerk and didn’t pay for dinner so I had to pay and then we didn’t even go see the movie.  Going to bed. Good night.

……………… Great idea. Goodnight.  Are you going to update us with your dreams too so we don’t miss out!!??

Who says good night to an online social media website where no one really cares, as if someone is going to wish you a good night sleep on your comment box?  Now, by the way, your problems are all out there for everyone to see and know and either get upset with you for being so emotional online or feel good about their not so troubled night. 

There are way too many people posting their problems online or putting up “nonchalant” snarky remarks so whoever they are mad at will read them and either respond or just know what’s on their mind.  FYI that’s what a phone is for! Smart phones = with email and texting, Skype or Facetime and unlimited talking.  Use one of those pleeeeease.  I have no need to see what time of day you fought with so and so and if we are that close please just update me with a phone call! 

Also, if you have the time to put your two-sense into someone else’s frustrated comment and take sides or act like you know their business, then you are just as in need of a slap in the face.  Go read a book.  Or quilt.  Or get a life. 

Thank you, have a great day  🙂

 

If I Had My Life to Live Over

If I Had My Life to Live Over

                -by Nadine Stair (age 85)

 

I’d dare to make more mistakes next time.

I’d relax.  I would limber up.

I would be sillier than I have been this trip.

I would take fewer things seriously.

I would take more chances.

I would take more trips.

I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.

I would eat more ice cream and less beans.

I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I’d have fewer imaginary ones.

You see, I’m one of those people who live sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day.

Oh, I’ve had my moments and if I had it to do over again, I’d have more of them.  In fact, I’d try to have nothing else.  Just moments.

One after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day.

 

I’ve been one of those people who never go anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottler, a raincoat and a parachute.

 

If I had it to do again, I would travel lighter next time.

 

If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the Spring and stay that way later in the Fall.

I would go to more dances.

I would ride more merry-go-rounds.

I would pick more daisies.

 

This is Your One Shot

Sometimes I just want to walk up to people and shake them.

“Why are you living like this?”

“This is the life you want to look back on and be proud of?”

“This is the life that you’re going to learn from and want to share with your kids?”

When you look at the big picture and realize you are ever only guaranteed one moment, the moment you are in, is this really how you would choose to go out?

 

I have guy friends who sit on the couch drinking beer, smoking, taking who-knows-what, and sleeping every chance they get and on the rare occasion they have enough energy to actually make it out of the apartment to a bar…they wonder why they can’t get any girls.

 

Wait…are you being serious??  You lazy bum, with eyeballs only half open, your personality completely shut down because of whatever pill you decided to take tonight and reeking like booze?  Hmmm, those sound like a winning combination, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE GIRLS?!?!  

 

Being one of the few females that actually cares about what happens to these guys, I have to say I feel I only stick around because I have hope that one day they will snap out of it and the reality of what they are doing to themselves will sink in.  I had dated one of these guys in high school when he was a completely respectable, he was a great guy and I look at him now and I can’t believe this is who he decided to become!

 

If the life you’re living now isn’t something you’d want your future children to see or do…then don’t do it.

 

To tell you the truth, I get that it is fun to go out a have a good time, I’d be lying if I said I never had a fun time out and it probably wouldn’t bother me as much if it was a phase but I really think this is a way of living for them, they would be perfectly content to live the rest of their days this way because they don’t remember or they haven’t experienced anything better.  When I say they don’t remember, the drugs have probably gotten to a majority of the brain cells already. 

 

What really caught me off guard the other day was when one of them said he would change if he ever had a kid.  Really? You would? For how long? Because to change that quickly from a habit you have spent half your young life creating can’t just be broken in a second.

 

Now some of these guys really have confidence in themselves, or so it seems.  I think on the inside they do these things because it fills a void that was created a few years ago by a horrible experience.  I get it, it hurts, I would probably have had a dreadful time recovering from that too, but you did it the wrong way.  Is this how you honor the memory?  Is this how you show your gratitude?

 

It really hurts having to see these people, people I really care about head down a road that I’m afraid they eventually won’t recover from.  To head down a road that could lead to fewer days than we are even given.  I worry one day I’ll wake up and hear horrible news about one of them and that scares me.  I try to be a light in their lives but they completely shut up when I try.  I wish so badly I could just shake them and shake all that junk out of them so they could start over and head in a better direction.  I pray so often for them to find their way in life and to “save” themselves while they have the chance, in whatever way they can. 

 

God break my heart for what breaks yours.  I heard that phrase so many times but it rings so true at this time in my life.  My heart hurts seeing someone who a few years ago had such big dreams and now sitting on their couch spending their graciously given time digging themselves deeper into the hole.  It hurts to see glimpses of a good guy in a person only to be taken away by the substances he puts into his body to make himself feel better.  My heart breaks thinking of what could happen if they don’t turn their lives around soon.  It hurts to know that at this point in time I can’t do much, I can really only pray.

 

We have no control over this life we have been given, what we think we control has already been predetermined, God knows our whole lives before we even know what we are doing after we get off work.  Sometimes there is nothing more you can do to help another…

Sometimes all you can do is pray.  

Facebook Relationship Status

Do I update my status on Facebook when I’m in a relationship?  Honestly, I didn’t think that was a question to make or break a person… but no I don’t.  Not until the person earns a status on my Facebook. 

First off, I don’t even do much with my Facebook, it’s basically a photo album and way to keep in touch with people from my past that I don’t see regularly.  

Second, I’m not going to update my status after a month of dating someone.  You need to pass the three month rule first; three months of you sticking around in my life and I’ll move you into my Facebook life. 

Third, why does everyone need to know my business?  If anyone really cares to know my relationship status, here is a genius idea….how about you ask me!  I’m not trying to find anyone to date on Facebook so I don’t find it necessary to post that the second I start “officially” seeing a person exclusively.  Not to say that I’m trying to hide a relationship and I can see how people may think that but if you know me well enough you know that’s not the case.  So, really there is no concern with this.  

Then I got asked “Well what if you were dating Aaron Rodgers, would you put it up then?”

Ok let me just clarify, that’s a little farfetched and since that is something you could only figure out once you’re in that situation, for the time being I’d still say I’m sticking with my original answer and I don’t really know if I would want any more advertisement if that were the case.  I try to steer clear of the drama.  Also I feel if I let all my Facebook friends see this, I’d have loads more NEW besties wanting to hang out.

 “So you aren’t proud to show off to people who you’re dating?”

Didn’t say that. I’m not into crazy PDA but I don’t mind being out and about and playing the cute couple.  I just don’t need to display it online.  However, I would not be proud to show the world that I’m dating a guy who is more on and off than a light switch.  Thank you very much.  I will be proud to show the world when he decides to stick around (which the privilege to ever come back into my life again has been taken away for good) so that won’t be happening. 

How many times have we seen a relationship status change five times a week?

In a relationship. 

Engaged.

Single.

In a relationship.

Complicated. 

…..And the next day they are married to their best friend. 

I really have no desire to have everyone see my every move.  Every now and then I’ll post the random check in, or a status but I go about a month in between all my activity.  Without Facebook, my life would be a mystery to everyone I do not normally hang out with anyways.  They wouldn’t know where I work, where I was Tuesday night and who I was or was not dating. 

 Then how about when the person you’re dating doesn’t even have a Facebook and THEY are the ones upset you don’t update your relationship status.  Now, I would definitely like to know why this someone, who goes MIA every other month for about a month or two is so worried about me not posting my relationship when it’s not going to be the same in a few weeks.  

Is this conversation really happening? It’s almost laughable.  

The minute I gave in and was ready to change my status, we broke up. 

POINT PROVEN

 

Excuses Excuses

“I can’t see myself settling down right now but one day I’m going to be putting a ring on that finger of yours.” 

Thank you for the heads up. 

“You’re the one weakness I have, the one with a good head on her shoulders and I want to be able to be there for you and provide for you.  I just have to work on myself so I can actually get to that place in my life.” 

Well that’s really sweet to hear.  Wait you were out drinking for the fifth night in a row and that made you late for work, ok I see how this is going, your effort is just inspiring…

 “You’re such an independent woman; it’s so hard to get to where I feel like I can take care of you.” 

I’m so sorry for knowing how to take care of myself and the fact that I don’t need to rely on anyone. 

What the heck kind of excuses are these?!! Don’t go telling a girl all these things, because sorry to burst your bubble, how on earth is this charming.  What do you want us to do when we hear things like this?  Swoon at your feet and float in a daze knowing I have a prince charming….that isn’t going to show himself for another, what, 5 years or so?  I’m sorry to the nice guy offering to buy me dinner I have a future husband.  No silly, I’m not engaged but he told me once he got his act together in a few years I was all his.  (That’s IF he ever gets it together)  Sorry to the sweetheart, gorgeous, smiling man that wanted to pick me up for a date to somewhere fantastic.  Once my future husband gets a car…and a house…much less a job, o and maybe some balls…I’m all his! 

No I’m sorry this isn’t how it works.  You don’t get to have your fun now but claim someone for your own for years down the road when you’re ready.  And don’t even think you can be upset with me when I move on to one of these nice men previously mentioned.  They are ready now, it may not work and I may see you in a few years when the time is right and your entire suck up regime actually comes true, but it’s as simple as this.  I’m going with the flow and if the time is now I’m not waiting; this other man is ready now to see whether we can work out a relationship together.  He’s not saying in 3 years and 2 weeks can I please take you to a movie; I may be ready by then to date. 

I wait for no man and that’s the truth.

Thank you for your love

Thank you for teaching me right from wrong. 

Thank you for teaching me manners, whether I want to use them or not at certain times. 

Thank you for raising me to have morals and standards; to have respect for others but most importantly myself because if you have respect for yourself as a person then respect for others will follow naturally. 

Thank you for being there for me no matter my mood, my situation, my question or your opinion. 

Thank you for teaching me that I deserve to be respected and that I should not lower my standards for anyone or anything that is less than I deserve. 

Thank you for not letting me grow up to be one of “those” girls. 

Thank you for giving me the strength to know that I am good enough and that the wrong kind of attention given or received is not what I am about. 

Thank you teaching me how to hold my head high with pride, class and dignity.

For teaching me to not let it get to my head but have just enough to hold myself up on my own two feet. 

Thank you for raising me to be proud of who I am, to feel comfortable with my decisions, to know what lines and boundaries to not cross or let anyone else cross, thank you for the belief in myself that you have instilled in me. 

Thank you for giving me my independence but also the understanding that my family and my faith is first and foremost; that I can rely on you to be there for me no matter what may happen, how upset we may be with each other, or how different our opinions match up. 

Thank you not only for the material items you have provided me as I’ve been growing up but most importantly thank you for everything you’ve taught me. 

Thank you for your love.

“I get a little bit stronger”

 

“I get a little bit stronger”

It is so hard to move on from a break up, knowing things will never be the same and taking trips down memory lane is the worst!  Some people say that you should mope about it and get it out of your system and with time you will heal.  Others say that you need to act strong and not cry, don’t let anyone see how much you hurt. 

I don’t know exactly what the right answer is but all I know is after being the idiot who went back to the same guy countless amounts of times in the past 2 years, moving on still hurts the same…maybe worse the last time because you know it has to be done. 

Yes, it happens.  I’m more than willing to admit that I have been on and off with the same guy for the past two years, not on and off as in a long period of time we’re good so there’s hope after a “break” of sorts.  No, I have been on and off meaning one month on two months off, two months on three weeks off, two months amazing, then he’s gone.  Looking back on it now, moving on for good sucks.  I can’t believe I was just about to be 100% happy and moved on and then let him back into my life yet AGAIN. 

I was trying to do the strong-can’t-let-anyone-see-how-much-it-hurts kind of deal.  I was walking around pretending that I didn’t care anymore and that it was just the same old thing…I’d be fine.  Then I tried the whole leaning on other people thing and talking nonstop to try and vent about this but neither was working.  So I took a day to myself and vegged out.  Watched movies, Sex and the City and cleaned, I gave myself permission to think about all the memories for just this one day, to think about everything that was said and done and all the promises made.  I feel it worked, I feel stronger and I feel like I can finally move on for good and let the past go.   Also the fact that he wanted to be single whenever he went out of town finally clicked that it wouldn’t change no matter how close we got when we spent time together. 

“I’m done thinking we could work this out, I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels, letting you drag my heart around”

I found an article online explaining exactly how our relationship (or lack thereof) was called The Hoover something or another.  It explained so much to me and really helped me understand that some people will never be meant to be no matter how much you want it to work.  Some stories were never meant to be written and some books will have many chapters before the happy ending. 

Every day my smile is more and more real 

Early Marriages

Quite a few of my friends lately have been talking about how much they want to be married, keeping in mind we are in the 20-24 age group, and they have only been with their s/o for not more than a year or two…

 

If you love each other that much, prove it by simply staying together.  By getting married at 20 years, give or take a year or twobecause you think you’ve found your one and only, what point are you trying to prove.  Trying to be cute for everyone else to see?  “O they just got married; well I want to find love like that too!”  If you found the person you’re supposed to be with for the rest of your life, your soul mate, your other half, then just being with them is enough.  Don’t rush to be married; what’s meant to be will be no matter if you marry in your 20s, 30s, or 40s.  So why not wait until you and your perfect match have your life figured out.  When you’re young, you’re still growing, you may think you know the other person inside and out, but they don’t even know themselves.  You’re still figuring stuff out, who you are, where you want to go and what you want to do.  Dating is a part of growing up and learning who you are and what you want in a spouse.  Sure it’s extremely romantic when you hear that a couple is each other’s high school sweethearts, but how many of them are still together when they are old and grey?  They never got to live their life or figure things out for themselves. 

Midlife crisis, table for one please!  Seeing a couple get engaged after being together for 6 years.  That’s cute, Congrats!! That’s the way to do it!  Wait….you’re 21? Which means you’ve been dating since 15..?   Did you even have a chance to meet anyone else?  Did you ever get to find out what other kind of people are out there?  Ever realize that maybe who you picture yourself being with is the exact opposite of the kind of person you need to be with?  How will you ever find that out?  Maybe you can’t picture yourself without each other or maybe it is fate.  But why test it by marriage when you’re only 22.  It only leads to divorce. 

This is the 21^st century.  We have so much more to lose and so much more to learn and do with our lives now.  College itself takes a few years to complete.  Are we going to move into a teeny tiny apartment and try and make ends meet because we spent money on a wedding at the age of 20?  NOOO thank you.  Get through school; see if after you’ve matured you’re still ready to spend your life with the person you chose.  If they are serious about you, they will always be there.  They won’t just run away because you aren’t married within the first year you met.  Grow independent, and make a life for yourself and then invite someone in to share it with you when you are ready… Now wait, not when you THINK you are ready, but when you actually have completed everything you want to do and are completely 100% fully ready to go head first into sharing everything with one person forever. 

That’s what marriage is.  It’s not “ Hey, I love you, let’s get married and see what happens.”  Marriage is the real deal.  It’s the supposed to be “permanent” solution, (Which has definitely been taken lightly recently).  It’s a promise that you are going to be all in with your significant other.  Do whatever you can to keep each other happy and that you believe with all your heart (hopefully after a few other significant others to have given you the experiences to learn from) that this is the one person you couldn’t live without; The one who makes you stronger and who compliments you.  It’s a promise that you will be faithful and even though all eyes wonder every so often, yours will be happy to take a glance and look back to the one standing next to you and never have felt so content in your life.  You grow with this person and fall more in love each day.  You don’t fall out of love and you don’t get bored.  Every day is a new day to discover who your other half is and how each day they bring out the best smile and the best feeling in the world.  You want to be your best and do your best for the both of you.  Not just for them but for the “us”.  It’s about there being no doubt about whether you are happy with the idea of spending the rest of your life with this one person.  Of course nothing is guaranteed so the argument back can be well how do you know?  We have a life expectancy rate of up to about 100 years old.  21 is only about a fifth of your life, you’ve only seen 21 years and you still have about 80 more to go!! Why not live a little, go places, do things, meet new people with or without someone by your side. 

Tying yourself down so early will most likely lead to a higher chance of disappointment later in life.  Taking more time will not push your soul mate away, it will bring you closer than you imagined possible and the more sure you’ll be that you are each other’s second half.