Excuses Excuses

“I can’t see myself settling down right now but one day I’m going to be putting a ring on that finger of yours.” 

Thank you for the heads up. 

“You’re the one weakness I have, the one with a good head on her shoulders and I want to be able to be there for you and provide for you.  I just have to work on myself so I can actually get to that place in my life.” 

Well that’s really sweet to hear.  Wait you were out drinking for the fifth night in a row and that made you late for work, ok I see how this is going, your effort is just inspiring…

 “You’re such an independent woman; it’s so hard to get to where I feel like I can take care of you.” 

I’m so sorry for knowing how to take care of myself and the fact that I don’t need to rely on anyone. 

What the heck kind of excuses are these?!! Don’t go telling a girl all these things, because sorry to burst your bubble, how on earth is this charming.  What do you want us to do when we hear things like this?  Swoon at your feet and float in a daze knowing I have a prince charming….that isn’t going to show himself for another, what, 5 years or so?  I’m sorry to the nice guy offering to buy me dinner I have a future husband.  No silly, I’m not engaged but he told me once he got his act together in a few years I was all his.  (That’s IF he ever gets it together)  Sorry to the sweetheart, gorgeous, smiling man that wanted to pick me up for a date to somewhere fantastic.  Once my future husband gets a car…and a house…much less a job, o and maybe some balls…I’m all his! 

No I’m sorry this isn’t how it works.  You don’t get to have your fun now but claim someone for your own for years down the road when you’re ready.  And don’t even think you can be upset with me when I move on to one of these nice men previously mentioned.  They are ready now, it may not work and I may see you in a few years when the time is right and your entire suck up regime actually comes true, but it’s as simple as this.  I’m going with the flow and if the time is now I’m not waiting; this other man is ready now to see whether we can work out a relationship together.  He’s not saying in 3 years and 2 weeks can I please take you to a movie; I may be ready by then to date. 

I wait for no man and that’s the truth.

Thank you for your love

Thank you for teaching me right from wrong. 

Thank you for teaching me manners, whether I want to use them or not at certain times. 

Thank you for raising me to have morals and standards; to have respect for others but most importantly myself because if you have respect for yourself as a person then respect for others will follow naturally. 

Thank you for being there for me no matter my mood, my situation, my question or your opinion. 

Thank you for teaching me that I deserve to be respected and that I should not lower my standards for anyone or anything that is less than I deserve. 

Thank you for not letting me grow up to be one of “those” girls. 

Thank you for giving me the strength to know that I am good enough and that the wrong kind of attention given or received is not what I am about. 

Thank you teaching me how to hold my head high with pride, class and dignity.

For teaching me to not let it get to my head but have just enough to hold myself up on my own two feet. 

Thank you for raising me to be proud of who I am, to feel comfortable with my decisions, to know what lines and boundaries to not cross or let anyone else cross, thank you for the belief in myself that you have instilled in me. 

Thank you for giving me my independence but also the understanding that my family and my faith is first and foremost; that I can rely on you to be there for me no matter what may happen, how upset we may be with each other, or how different our opinions match up. 

Thank you not only for the material items you have provided me as I’ve been growing up but most importantly thank you for everything you’ve taught me. 

Thank you for your love.

“I get a little bit stronger”

 

“I get a little bit stronger”

It is so hard to move on from a break up, knowing things will never be the same and taking trips down memory lane is the worst!  Some people say that you should mope about it and get it out of your system and with time you will heal.  Others say that you need to act strong and not cry, don’t let anyone see how much you hurt. 

I don’t know exactly what the right answer is but all I know is after being the idiot who went back to the same guy countless amounts of times in the past 2 years, moving on still hurts the same…maybe worse the last time because you know it has to be done. 

Yes, it happens.  I’m more than willing to admit that I have been on and off with the same guy for the past two years, not on and off as in a long period of time we’re good so there’s hope after a “break” of sorts.  No, I have been on and off meaning one month on two months off, two months on three weeks off, two months amazing, then he’s gone.  Looking back on it now, moving on for good sucks.  I can’t believe I was just about to be 100% happy and moved on and then let him back into my life yet AGAIN. 

I was trying to do the strong-can’t-let-anyone-see-how-much-it-hurts kind of deal.  I was walking around pretending that I didn’t care anymore and that it was just the same old thing…I’d be fine.  Then I tried the whole leaning on other people thing and talking nonstop to try and vent about this but neither was working.  So I took a day to myself and vegged out.  Watched movies, Sex and the City and cleaned, I gave myself permission to think about all the memories for just this one day, to think about everything that was said and done and all the promises made.  I feel it worked, I feel stronger and I feel like I can finally move on for good and let the past go.   Also the fact that he wanted to be single whenever he went out of town finally clicked that it wouldn’t change no matter how close we got when we spent time together. 

“I’m done thinking we could work this out, I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels, letting you drag my heart around”

I found an article online explaining exactly how our relationship (or lack thereof) was called The Hoover something or another.  It explained so much to me and really helped me understand that some people will never be meant to be no matter how much you want it to work.  Some stories were never meant to be written and some books will have many chapters before the happy ending. 

Every day my smile is more and more real 

Early Marriages

Quite a few of my friends lately have been talking about how much they want to be married, keeping in mind we are in the 20-24 age group, and they have only been with their s/o for not more than a year or two…

 

If you love each other that much, prove it by simply staying together.  By getting married at 20 years, give or take a year or twobecause you think you’ve found your one and only, what point are you trying to prove.  Trying to be cute for everyone else to see?  “O they just got married; well I want to find love like that too!”  If you found the person you’re supposed to be with for the rest of your life, your soul mate, your other half, then just being with them is enough.  Don’t rush to be married; what’s meant to be will be no matter if you marry in your 20s, 30s, or 40s.  So why not wait until you and your perfect match have your life figured out.  When you’re young, you’re still growing, you may think you know the other person inside and out, but they don’t even know themselves.  You’re still figuring stuff out, who you are, where you want to go and what you want to do.  Dating is a part of growing up and learning who you are and what you want in a spouse.  Sure it’s extremely romantic when you hear that a couple is each other’s high school sweethearts, but how many of them are still together when they are old and grey?  They never got to live their life or figure things out for themselves. 

Midlife crisis, table for one please!  Seeing a couple get engaged after being together for 6 years.  That’s cute, Congrats!! That’s the way to do it!  Wait….you’re 21? Which means you’ve been dating since 15..?   Did you even have a chance to meet anyone else?  Did you ever get to find out what other kind of people are out there?  Ever realize that maybe who you picture yourself being with is the exact opposite of the kind of person you need to be with?  How will you ever find that out?  Maybe you can’t picture yourself without each other or maybe it is fate.  But why test it by marriage when you’re only 22.  It only leads to divorce. 

This is the 21^st century.  We have so much more to lose and so much more to learn and do with our lives now.  College itself takes a few years to complete.  Are we going to move into a teeny tiny apartment and try and make ends meet because we spent money on a wedding at the age of 20?  NOOO thank you.  Get through school; see if after you’ve matured you’re still ready to spend your life with the person you chose.  If they are serious about you, they will always be there.  They won’t just run away because you aren’t married within the first year you met.  Grow independent, and make a life for yourself and then invite someone in to share it with you when you are ready… Now wait, not when you THINK you are ready, but when you actually have completed everything you want to do and are completely 100% fully ready to go head first into sharing everything with one person forever. 

That’s what marriage is.  It’s not “ Hey, I love you, let’s get married and see what happens.”  Marriage is the real deal.  It’s the supposed to be “permanent” solution, (Which has definitely been taken lightly recently).  It’s a promise that you are going to be all in with your significant other.  Do whatever you can to keep each other happy and that you believe with all your heart (hopefully after a few other significant others to have given you the experiences to learn from) that this is the one person you couldn’t live without; The one who makes you stronger and who compliments you.  It’s a promise that you will be faithful and even though all eyes wonder every so often, yours will be happy to take a glance and look back to the one standing next to you and never have felt so content in your life.  You grow with this person and fall more in love each day.  You don’t fall out of love and you don’t get bored.  Every day is a new day to discover who your other half is and how each day they bring out the best smile and the best feeling in the world.  You want to be your best and do your best for the both of you.  Not just for them but for the “us”.  It’s about there being no doubt about whether you are happy with the idea of spending the rest of your life with this one person.  Of course nothing is guaranteed so the argument back can be well how do you know?  We have a life expectancy rate of up to about 100 years old.  21 is only about a fifth of your life, you’ve only seen 21 years and you still have about 80 more to go!! Why not live a little, go places, do things, meet new people with or without someone by your side. 

Tying yourself down so early will most likely lead to a higher chance of disappointment later in life.  Taking more time will not push your soul mate away, it will bring you closer than you imagined possible and the more sure you’ll be that you are each other’s second half.